9 Pieces of Relationship Advice From Long Term Couples

The entertainment industry is renowned for churning out celebrity couples with short-lived relationships. From marriages that last less than a week — hello Britney Spears, to actors that are married over and over again. If a relationship can survive paparazzi and public scrutiny, then there must be some underlying behaviours […]

The entertainment industry is renowned for churning out celebrity couples with short-lived relationships. From marriages that last less than a week — hello Britney Spears, to actors that are married over and over again. If a relationship can survive paparazzi and public scrutiny, then there must be some underlying behaviours to their success that can be shared.

I thought it would be worthwhile delving into interviews to see what advice we could obtain from these successful celebrities to incorporate into our relationships.

Be Independent- Beyonce.

“I was independent before I met my husband, and we have such a natural chemistry and a genuine relationship, and it’s based on the things that relationships are supposed to be based on. I’ve seen, growing up, when a woman or a man in a relationship, it doesn’t matter which one, doesn’t feel confident, they feel a bit trapped. You determine your self-worth. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.”

Too often, people in relationships, become so entrenched in the relationship that their individual personality drains away. This is exacerbated by relationship names such as Brangelina which seems to remove the unique identities of each person and replace them with one being.

It’s important to remember your own worth and stay true to that. It is a partnership for sure, but it is comprised of two individuals, each with their own needs. Don’t become one of those totally inseparable couples that cant be apart.

I’ve had friends that I cant catch up with, unless their partner is with them. There is no seeing one without seeing the other. In every relationship, there needs to be time for individual lives.

Queen Bey is fiercely independent, as we all should be.

Communication — Neil Patrick Harris.

“You need to talk it out, and if that means raising your voice, you need to raise your voice. Know what you’re talking about. Know where you’re standing as opposed to letting stuff build-up, I guess.”

This one seems obvious yet, in my opinion; it is the downfall of many relationships. I can speak from personal experience as my marriage ended in divorce as we stopped communicating.

Too often, we bottle up our emotions inside and don’t express ourselves. I am more guilty of this than others having being brought up not to talk about my feelings. Keeping our emotions and feelings in check leads to long term anger and dissatisfaction. Small annoyances snowball into big anger.

Never go to bed angry is advice I have been given and try (I said try!) to take onboard. While the more comfortable option is not to speak and forget about it, in reality we often don’t forget about it. It festers inside us.

Talk about any issues. It’s your partner so you shouldn’t be afraid to just talk it out.

Be their best friend- Sting.

“We’re friends..we love each other, but we actually like each other — and that’s an important distinction there. Love is passion and all of that stuff, but actually liking somebody and enjoying someone’s company is something slightly different, and it lasts longer.”

Sting makes a significant distinction in this quote between liking and loving each other. Couples love each other, but do they all like each other?

Love can be lust or sexual desire. Like is about doing things together. Fun things. Mundane things. Enjoying each others company just as friends would. Hanging out together.

Can you do things with your partner that you would with your BFF? If the answer is no, then you need to ask yourself why not?

I think its important to be in love with your partner. But just as important to really like them. They should be your BFF. Sit on the couch and watch a sports game with them, just like you would with your best mate.

Trust each other — Emily Blunt.

“We really trust each other, we’re very honest with each other. We sort of have a shorthand and secret language that ultimately is gonna work for us.”

Is there a cuter couple than Emily Blunt and John Krasinski? I think not. Emily’s advice here is spot on. Relationships are built on trust.

I travel a lot for work around the world, away from long periods. But during these times, I have full trust in my partner as she does in me. On opposite sides of the world, we could spend our time worrying about what the other is doing. Are they up to no good? These thoughts bring only negativity, so we focus on trust.

We also have our independence (like Jay Z and Beyonce) so if one of us is on a night out with friends we have full trust in each other. One of us may stagger home in the early hours, but the other will be fast asleep knowing nothing untoward is happening. And also ready to make a lot of noise in the morning to amplify any hangover our partner may have!

Co-parent — Chrissy Tiegen.

“Even when we have Luna going insane, it’s important to be able to look at each other and be like, ‘We created this thing, and we’re going to solve it together.’”

Children. They can really test a relationship. From a crying baby that never sleeps to teenagers with endless problems, parenting is hard. (Again, from a failed marriage — I can attest to this!)

But in truth, children should bring partners together. It is a life they created together or are raising together, and is the most significant responsibility in the relationship. When one partner is left to do all of the parenting, it can lead to a failed relationship. Of course, there is often one partner who may have the majority of time or care, but it’s still a shared duty. And sometimes a shared problem.

I am lucky that my current partner treats my children as if they were her own. Her role as a step-parent is just as important as mine. And having young teenage boys going through that awkward stage of early puberty, there are certainly our fair share of issues. But we discuss these together and work on them together. A team solution.

Be vulnerable — Kristen Bell.

“Vulnerability always begets connection and intimacy. Stay vulnerable with each other.”

Actress Kristen Bell actually shared a list of six key points that leads to her successful relationship with husband and actor Dax Sheppard. At the top of the list was vulnerability.

In the past, I had acted strong and tough on the outside when on the inside, I was struggling with mental health issues. I believed putting on a brave face was the masculine thing to do. In reality, it was the least manly thing to do. Opening up to my partner on my challenges was what I should have done. Suffering alone made things worse.

Partners are there for the good times and the bad or as the vows say, for better or for worse. Opening up and showing you are struggling, displaying vulnerability allows more of a connection. It shows trust and allows your partner to show empathy.

Bell says, that “after ten years the dopamine wears off.” Meaning the initial high that all new relationships enjoy doesn’t last forever.

Date nights- Chris Hemsworth.

“Make sure you have date night even if it’s once in a blue moon, because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.”

We all love the dopamine of a new relationship. Everything is awesome! We are putting on our A-game and doing everything to impress. This slowly subsides, and the relationship moves to a more normal level. As we get older and life gets in the way, it’s easy to forget about our A-game and drop our standards. Work, children, study. All become more important than our relationship.

As Thor says, you still need to make time for date night. Some couples do this once a week. Others once a month. Even once in a blue moon, is fine as long as you still take the time to do it. It doesn’t have to be fancy or over the top. You just need to act like it’s your first date. Bring your A-Game. Bring that dopamine back for one night. Be like Thor.

Don’t fuss too much — Tina Fey.

“Sometimes if you’re not really mad about it, don’t make yourself mad about it because you think you should be. Like, who cares?!”

How often do we fly off the handle about something small? Our partner leaves their dishes out (Ash raises his hand and drops his head) or forgets to do a chore. Is it worth getting worked up about?

As we mentioned above, communication is essential, but it’s also important not to sweat the small stuff. If an action is small and inconsequential, don’t get angry over it. Often our anger is misplaced when in reality it is over something completely different. Something which should have been talked over previously.

Relationships are hard enough as they are without adding extra obstacles by arguing over small things.

And if my partner is reading this — I’ll put away the dishes soon. I promise!

Daily compliments — Mary Steenburgen.

“He does tell me every single day of my life I’m beautiful, and I do know a lot of women live without that, and it does matter, someone just telling you that.”

Mary Steenburgen and Ted Danson have been married for thirty years. Clearly, they know how to make a relationship work. And Mary’s one bit of advice is something that is the easiest thing to do of any on this list. Compliment each other. Just once a day. It can be the same line Ted says to Mary daily or something else.

A simple comment can really show your partner you care. Every day. Not just on Valentines Day or anniversaries. Again I am sure many of us are guilty of not doing this, but it isn’t that hard.

One compliment. Every day. Try it.

The takeaway

Celebrity breakups and scandals create headlines. Gossip magazines love them. Media feast on them.

What doesn’t grab the attention is the long-lasting relationships. That don’t create drama or controversy. No doubt they have relationship problems — even Jay Z who didn’t include Beyonce in his list of 99 problems sure has them. But the relationships last under the public eye.

And for that reason its worth paying extra attention to any relationship advice they can provide.

Previously published on medium



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